Summer love (1)

"Fuck it, I'm going!!" I said. It was Woman's Day. All over the city, there were parties going on, and the colleagues from work chose one of the clubs I hate. "Fuck it, I'm going!!". My luck was that the club had a kinda retro theme combined with the occasion. I fancy retro music. It should've been a good night. And it was.

I got there in the middle of the party. The place was packed with people. You could smell the lust from outside. It was a cheap show. Cleavages as deep as the ocean. Cave men, horny men, lurked like puppies into fake attraction traps, at least there were good songs, but they couldn't compete with the people around. Most of them middle class people, having fun in their way. That kind of people like my colleagues, limited, who can drag you to obscure places.

No one was sitting down, talking, everyone was dancing. I liked that. Making connection with another by dancing. There was plenty of time for talking afterwards. I wanted a beer, I was thirsty but also to look integrated in there. Everyone had a drink in their hands. I don't know why I got more relaxed after a girl fake smiled me. I took another beer, and another. My integrating plan was working. I start dancing. I was in the middle of a circle formed by my colleagues. I didn't care anymore about those fuckers.  I was enjoying myself in a place that I hated before. I was having a good time. I got a little bit tired, and went to sit down to stretch  my legs. There were some sofas where people can rest and a table in front of the sofas to put your drinks. It was an "U" made of sofas. I noticed two girls on the other side of the table, looking and smiling at me. I smiled back, not creating the impression that I was a cold jerk. One of them was a blond and the other one had curly hair, but I couldn't see the colour because of the weak lights. The looking became more often, the smiles even nicer, and I could tell that they were talking about me, and giggling after. They weren't like the other girls in there. No shoving their cleavages in your face from across the room. They were simple. The second good thing since I got there. I went to get a beer, and when I came back, they were still there, following me with their looks. Something was going on. I got intrigued, but I was waiting for them to make a move. And it finally came. One of them stood, the blond one, while the other one tried to stop her. She came on my side of the table, sat next to me and said: "My friend says you're cute, but she's shy". Ok, so she was the wingman. "No threesome for me tonight!" I said to myself. "Ok, then, I'll come there to say hello" I told her with a big grin on my face. To be honest, the curly hair one, was cuter, so yeah, I was pretty excited. This was happening two weeks after I broke up with Miss Sensible. I was fucking pleased with myself. We stood up, and went back to their side. I couldn't see very well, but I think curly was blushing all over the face. She was even cuter than ten meters away. I sat next to her, smiling like a douchebag, trying to make a good impression. We started to talk, she had a nice voice as well. But I was amazed by her hair. Brown, so curly. She was smiling all the time. "My name is C." "Nice to meet you, C. My name is R." I asked her to give me her facebook name. We sat there, all three, laughed, bonding for quite some time. The dancefloor became emptier, so I asked her to dance. She already told me she loves to dance, so yeah, let's do this. I got the chance to see her ass, of course. Man, she was gifted!! "Could the night be more nicer than this?" We danced pretty much the rest of the night while I saw her blond friend so delighted being Cupidon. I had to admit, she did a good job.

Nothing happened that night. She didn't end up in my bed, or me in hers. It didn't feel right to do so. Not even a kiss. I was surprised, actually. We kissed on the cheeks though. She also smelled good, sweet. 

I got home that very early morning, and the first thing I did is to find her on facebook. Lucky me, it wasn't a fake name or account, she was there. Not a single sad picture, she was smiling in all of them. She had to be full of life. And, again, her ass was brilliant. "That ass will be mine someday!!!"

Love peak

Lasa-ma sa-ti spun si eu cum e cu dragostea. Stii idealul ala in care toata lumea are un suflet pereche? Toata lumea crede in acel ideal si totusi toata lumea e sceptica. Eu zic ca ala nu e un ideal, ci e un adevar cat se poate de simplu, dar stii ca intotdeauna lucrurile simple sunt complicate, nu-i asa? Da, un paradox frumos. E un adevar pentru ca absolut toata lumea a simtit acea dragoste, sau o simte. Aia care o simt sunt cei mai norocosi, noi restul doar am simtit-o si tanjim in continuare dupa ea. Poate ca ti se pare vag ceea ce spun, dar asa este, exista pentru fiecare. Nu-mi spune ca nu ma crezi, ca stiu ca ma minti, dar mai grav, te minti pe tine. Stiu, stii, stim cu totii ce simtim, dar intotdeauna reprimam. De ce? Nu stiu. Acel sentiment il ai o singura data in viata si stii exact cand se intampla, chiar daca e pentru un minut, o luna, sau ani, iar daca nu realizezi atunci, iti dai seama mai tarziu. Sa-ti dau exemplul meu. Am cunoscut o femeie acum cativa ani si de atunci n-a mai plecat din mintea mea nicio clipa, chiar daca n-am vorbit cu lunile. Am simtit ca ceva s-a intamplat cand am cunoscut-o, dar nu stiam ce. Aveam sa-mi dau seama ceva mai tarziu ca ea e sufletul meu pereche. Nu-ti trebuie nicio stiinta exacta sa-ti dai seama de asta. Simti. Si ceea ce simti nu e niciodata minciuna. Am iubit-o si o iubesc de ma cac pe mine. Ii iubesc fiecare centimetru de suflet, fiecare centimetru de trup, si crede-ma ca nimic in univers nu se compara cu sentimentul asta, de complet, nu de perfectiune, de complet. Te simti complet. Sunt unii care transforma asta in obsesie, dar se iarta, pentru ca in esenta e acelasi lucru. Dar se intampla ceva, ai zice ca asa e destinul, si scade in intensitate, din diferite motive, dar ramane, pentru ca ai simtit. Si cand te simti complet, ai atins varful, nu-i asa? Pentru mine unul stiu sigur ca mi s-a luat sansa sa fiu unul din norocosi, pentru am simtit cum puteam cuceri lumea impreuna. Pfaaaai si inca cum. Dar cum spuneam, nu toata lumea e norocoasa si ajungem sa tanjim si sa cautam acelasi lucru in altcineva, dar indiferent ce-ti va spune unul, altul, prin diferite metode, niciodata n-o sa te mai simti la fel de complet. Obiectivizand dragostea, aia sunt oamenii care n-au intalnit inca acest sentiment, actionand in necunostiinta de cauza. Dragostea nu e obiectiva, asta nu realizeaza ei. Vulnerabil fiind, vei accepta si te vei multumi cu mai putin, pentru ca asa ti-e destinat. Vei invata sa traiesti cu mai putin decat ai simtit in momentele alea de culme. Vei simti ca te-ai prabusit intr-un abis fara fund din care n-o sa mai iesi niciodata. Am trecut prin asta, dar tot aici sunt si-ti spun toate astea. Nimic din ceea ce ti-am spus n-a fost niciodata altcumva pentru nimeni, si nici n-o sa fie. Toata lumea are aceleasi secrete.

Lost in love

He enters in his shoebox. This is his world. One bed, one closet, one night stand, many books, and many maps stinged by tiny coloured pins in certain places. A little calendar with pretty pictures of different kinds of paradise, is hanging on the wall reminding him which date is every day with some marked events on every month. On the other wall is a wooden framed picture representing a little square surrounded by white houses with grey roofs. There is a pillar in the middle of the square which has nothing to do with the view. Such a ugly picture. Who paints a fucking pillar in the middle of the picture? It looks so stupid.

He crashes into the bed grabbing one of the books. Today is Poe. "This guy was so dark, like my fucking soul" he says to himself. "She says my soul is young, but a young cannot be so dark. Everything is dark in this room. Chaos!! It's a room where life doesn't reply. The Sun is for pussies. Check out the Moon. An inanimate cosmic object, but so full of mystery and thrill. Man I love Poe, he cracks me up. Oh, and Bukowski too. That fucking hippie. That miserable life of his, but so full of talent. I suppose I'm a hippie too, except the women, which makes me a modern hippie".

He deepens so much in those books. He likes it. He loves it. It's some kind of peace for him. He thinks it could count for something, somewhere, unlike his love. His love has to count for someone, but it didn't so far. It is his greatest quality, but nobody sees that, maybe because he doesn't know how to show it better. He often disappear in his thoughts, losing himself, feeling like shit, worthless. He doesn't want pity from no one. He wants to be loved. But when? When he will be exactly like an old hippie, full of memories, but full of shit? Love is not shitty, not for him. "Where's the meaningfulness of love? Where is the humanity in love? Are we humans when we love meaningless moments? We are the dumbest creatures, yet the wisest. Such a paradox. We are all fucking lost!! Lost in love!!"